Thursday, October 9, 2008


Yup said that I’ll write a post on this. The facts are mostly from the book, ‘men are from mars and women are from venus’. Some of it is from me of course. Possessed the book for ages but never given it much thought till KC brought the topic up. I was like “need meh? “. According to her even if it’s not for the current relationship, we’ll be better gfs for the next. Haha.. but I do hope all ends well for her in the current one. Anyway the book tells us how different men and women are. All couples fight, cheat and break up for the same reasons. Which girl is not emotional and which guy is not cold plus detached when problems arise? So when things do not work out between you and your other half be relieve to know that million other couples face the same problems daily. We (me inclusive) tend to forget that we are dealing with the opposite gender and yet we expect them to response and behave like us.

Wow.. I sound like a therapist. Whoohoot…. So here are a few examples:

1. Girl: you don’t call, reply messages.. y cant u jus talk to me?
Boy: you are needy, demanding.. u weren’t like this before.
Is this familiar? See when problem arises or upset, a girl needs to talk about her problems to release her inner stress. Girls think its caring to share and talk about their problems together. Guys on the other hand would not burden another male with his problems. Macho mah… They keep their problems to themselves and solve them alone. Asking a guy to talk is like asking a girl not to be emotional. See why they end up fighting?

2. Girls when they pour out their problems, they are not asking for solutions. They just need to be heard. On the other hand, guys would never do that. They only talk to their male counterpart if they need help/solutions. So when a girl complains to a guy and he starts offering advices/solutions, she’ll get upset with him. She’ll complain, “you are not listening..” Then he’ll feel rejected and unappreciated. Vicious cycle wei..

3. A guy comes back home exhausted from work. He is too tired to acknowledge his gf. In his opinion, he has given his share in the relationship by working hard. In her opinion, he has contributed nothing yet because he’s not talking to her. When she starts being sweet and caring, guy will think he has contributed enough and it’s her turn now. Resentment builds because she feels she is the only one working on the relationship. To her he has not done anything yet. When she finally snaps, he doesn’t understand why….

4. A girl’s common complaint: ‘ you used to be so sweet. You completely change now. You don’t love me anymore’. See that is the thing about guys. They can be intimate at one moment and very cold the next. Well it’s not cause he stops loving you but that’s just guys being themselves. They need their space. Once gotten it they are back being their loving self. So ignore them and go shopping, gossping with your girlfriends ;) Guys on the other hand complains ‘ my gf is happy one minute and temperamental the next’. Just like you we have our hormone change too. Its not because we are blaming you or anything, it’s a girl thing. Listen to us complain but don’t get too affected by it and we will think u r the best bf on planet earth for being so understanding.

5. After a break up, a girl tend to be pickier of her next choice of boyfriend. She doesn’t want somebody who is going to ignore her again. Truth is, the cycle will repeat because men are all the same. Guys on the other hand will get involve back faster with another girl but they might not offer commitment. So girls don’t get too upset if your ex is busy flirting.. Love is no miracle it’s predictable.

6. The more emotional a girl is or rather if she is always upset with her bf, well it only means that she cares. When a girl’s calls or tantrums reduce drastically, then it’s time for a guy to really start worrying. It’s essential just to hear her bf’s voice (even if it’s only 2 mins) daily. It provides security to her. So if she can live without your voice anything more than a week, it means she has given up and ready to move on with life without you in it. She is not waiting for you to call her back. That only happens in the first 24 hours. What many guys are not aware is that a 2 min call daily can motivate a gf to give back in a relationship 100 folds.

7. Have you realized that as a relationship progress, a girl gets needier and demanding while a guy gets more cold and detached?? Well one causes the other. It’s the chicken and egg theory thing. She demands more attention cuz he keeps demanding for freedom. Or he needs space becuz she demands more now that they in an exclusive relationship. Well, either way if couples can see that this is a natural phenomenon in all relationships, less problems would arise.

These are some of the many examples how both gender differ. A note to guys: eveytime your gfs talk/ complain/ cry/ throw tantrum, pretend to listen (you can tune her off, she wont know) and say ‘u poor thing’ (although u r clueless abt wht she is upset abt) and u’ll be the best bf ever. A note to girls: when your bfs are upset and cold, ignore him (go shopping, gossip, he doesn’t have to know). Guys like what they cant have anyway.. don’t offer words/ solutions or talk too much. They don’t appreciate it. Once he’s a happier person, praise and admire him for being so independent.. He’ll be one happy man.

Many a time love is not lost. It’s the resentment that has blinded them and it may take months if not years to make it go away. Longer if you are both are all out to hurt each other in hope to get back what you think the other has done to you. That is why months or years later, you suddenly think of him/her. But by then it’s too late cuz he/she is happily settled down plus kids with someone who knows the secret of putting up with them. Then you’ll curse ‘ Damm, the kid should have my face’. Praying that the perfect girl/guy who has it all – looks/ money/ status quo/ attitude – to walk through your living room… You have a better chance striking lottery wei.. Lifelong commitment follows those that withstand these problems (seriously if a relationship has no problems then its time to doubt your partner’s love). But most ppl give up too easily. Hmm.. I am one of these people. As said a soul mate is one who you choose to spend your life with. There really isn’t any red strings tied to our ankles. If all these are too tough to digest, there is always the option of staying solo. *WINK*

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