I really can’t help writing about this. My parents themselves obviously carefully avoid this topic everytime. Probably they rather not know if their eldest daughter is a virgin or not. Gosh.. So you gotta say that it comes as an interesting bit when the one person who starts counseling me about premarital sex was a 70+ years old gentleman. Well to begin with he is a charming elderly man with his fair share of girlfriends during his youth I am sure. Sadly he lost his wife to breast cancer after 36 years of blissful marriage. 37 is she still here with us. Anyway he is the sweetest old man I had ever met. After having undergone 1 bypass, battling with colorectal carcinoma, 2 histories of stroke and 30 years of diabetes, he cheekily said “ my time aint up yet. U know y?”. I shrugged. “ God wants us to appreciate the beautiful things in life. I have been faithful. I look each time there is a pretty girl,” he winked at me. HEhe.. What a cutie.. so basically our conversation on premarital sex begin this way:
Him: You are an attractive young lady. I am sure you have your fair share of men in your life.
Him: winked again..
Me: NO one in particular now..
Him: As not to make this old man jealous..
Me: Smiled again…
Him: Any past regrets?
Me: No.. They were all great men.. Learn a lot from each relationship to be honest…
Him: (nodded..) Marriage is a covenant not a convenient agreement.. so don’t decide till u r very very sure..
Me: giggle and nodded
Him: Don’t marry cuz u r both good in bed. The excitement won’t last. Gotta to love someone for his goods and his faults to last a lifetime together.
Me: burst out laughing
That was how it begin before this dear man launched into a series of talk of premarital sex being closely accompanied with loads of worries.. pregnancy, STD, society’s perception which finally ends with boredom on wedding’s night. Not worth it and so not fun he said. Then I curiously asked “What if you screwed up on your wedding’s night due to lack of practice??” His reply “A mistake that will bond you both for life”. Haha.. He peered at me and asked, “ Don’t you want to have sex without worries? Then do it after marriage la..” Why buy the cow when the milk is free? Well by now this man who is also a pastor and trained counselor has became a close friend. Marriage is a bond with the blessing of God himself, he next said. Yeah makes me think of my famous saying, Don’t find someone you can live with but someone you can’t live without.. “You are an attractive young lady. Be cautioned of the men around you. Be careful of your drinks.” That was when we launched into a whole new topic on whiskies, brandies, wines and beers.
In the midst of chatting, many others popped in and out of the conversation, offering their opinions on different matters. One happened to be an officer of the public service commission. He mentioned something about KL hosps being Full/ highly in demand??? Yeah KLGH is my first choice. Ughh.. Then again I applied for hospitals in 3 different states. So not getting KL would not have come as a big surprise. Half a year ago if anyone had asked me I would stubbornly said “TO LIVE AND DIE IN KL!!”. Well time and past definitely changes a person. A change that took place so slowly that I had not realized it myself till of late. What was the ideal life to me a year ago no longer applies upon graduation and having joined HOSPIS. Priorities, emotions and perception to life changed. How, when and why are questions that myself have no answers for. Would I stay in Msia for good? I dunno. Will I be settling down soon? I dunno. Where do I wanna settle down ultimately? I dunno.
How I foresee my near future? Hmm.. bundle me off to Tawau, Miri, Alor Star or Kangar and six months ago I would have thrown another tantrum. Would have killed to stay in HUKM, Serdang, better still Kajang hospital. But now I would just pack and go off for the next 2 years. Ironically non of the 3 above were even any of my choices. I am excited all the same despite the foreseen hard work. New place, new faces… Its great to always be daddy’s lil girl but I am in the current state of finding myself. Taking the next couple of years to define my needs, quit freelancing, get to where I wanna be and meet a whole lot of new people (yes have always been a social bee). In short the word ‘CAREER’ is plastered all over my forehead. Yes I have changed.. WT has been cursing me off to Tawau… highly unlikely