Tuesday, October 14, 2008


True love
Today was another day spent at HOSPIS. Alf, my 70 years old sweetheart decided to lecture me this time on what trust is in a relationship is all about. ‘Trust be gets trust.’ Probably this saying is not for all. Anyway according to Alf, trust a man in a relationship and he’ll be obliged to live up to the trust given. Really? Let’s say I was skeptical. Doesn’t trust has to be earned? Apparently not. A woman’s role in a relationship is to trust a man with all her heart. My next question, then wouldn’t she be taken for granted? No, Alf said. Man with a conscience when given trust would not betray it. Give him trust by not questioning his actions. I was like if that happens then guys would feel uncared for. I was really doubtful. Then Alf said, add interest into trust to make a relationship last a lifetime. I was like “huh?” BE INTERESTED IN HIM BUT NEVER QUESTION HIS ACTIONS. These were the words of wisdom given by Alf. Then another volunteer mentioned that after 33 years of marriage, she received an anonymous sms that said that her husband had cheated on her. At that moment, I had this de javu feeling. Well she too said that she trusted her husband so much that she didn’t even bother questioning him about the sms. She actually happily deleted it and never gave it a second thought. After 33 years of marriage I guess so but what if it’s only after a year in the relationship? I guess it’s important to give trust but would you want to live with a constant naggy feeling that says “ what if?”

Alf talked about his late wife today. A lady who gave him 33 years of happy marriage and 4 sons. He has 4 to 5 pictures of her in his wallet. Pictures of her from young till old. She was diagnosed with secondary bone tumour by Prof Sen Gupta. She was estimated to live for only 2 months upon diagnosis. But her will power was so strong. She lasted a year before passing on. She too was a patient of HOSPIS. Alf signed up to join her hence he is still with us now. Her biggest worry was who’s going to take care of her husband when she is gone? Who’s going to cook for him and do his laundry? He too is a cancer patient. 2 weeks before passing on, her condition deteriorated. She was tensed, worried and ill. 365 days after Prof Sen Gupta diagnosed her with secondary bone cancer, she lay in Alf’s arms exhausted and in much pain. Well he held her hands and said “ Let go and go back home to Lord. I can take care of myself.” Her sons too said “ Go home Mommy. We’ll take care of Daddy.” With that she took her last breath and finally let go. Can you find someone who loves you this much? Someone who knows no pain but you till their very last breath?

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